Apprehensions

I am in a ponderous mood as I sit here in my living room of ten years surrounded by packed moving boxes. I am excited to have more room for my growing family and all of the amenities of the new place, but I can't help but feel apprehensive and sad that I am leaving this tiny place of many memories. I think about the amazing friends and people that I have come into contact with here and I feel saddened that I am moving away from them. I will miss sitting in my living room with my back door open while I listen to the riotess birds in the trees. I will miss the cooling mountain breezes that blow through my bedroom window as if on cue at around ten pm every single night the wind begins to blow as if some cosmic switch was turned on to send cooling and refreshing air throughout my house. I will miss the rhythm of this place with its familiar sounds and rituals. I will miss watching my son playing in our back yard with children from all over the world and the diversity that is had here in this amazing campus family. I will miss being just one of the many diversely brown faces here. I will miss so much about this little community that I have called home for ten years now, I am sad and nostalgic as we make plans to move out in the morning. I wish I could take back the lease I signed and the intent to vacate this familiar place and hold onto this little slice of heaven for just a little bit longer. I wish my unborn son could know this place and call it home like his older brother Liam. But alas, I have to remind myself that I am an adult now and that a part of being an adult is making hard decisions. It also means knowing when to hold on and when to let go. Right now it is time to gently let go and move forward with our lives. I have learned that when we hold onto something we love to tightly it makes it harder for God to bless our lives with growth and possibilites. I grudgily accept that I am much like a potted plant that has outgrown its pot and that for my roots to grow deeper and stronger, I have to be transplanted to a larger space. Like so many things that have happened in my recent life, I have to cling to my faith and allow God to gently nudge me where he would have me go. I just wish being transplanted didn't hurt so much and fill me with so much melancholy and apprehensions.

A Small Set-Back

On Saturday, Bill and I went and had a sneak peek at our new place. We were given a warning that the cleaners had not been through the apartment yet. We were however shocked at the condition of our apartment. It felt grimy and dirty. It was really hard for me to imagine myself living there let alone where I would be placing my furniture. On Monday morning we received a call that if we would like the walls painted we could have them done but that we would have to push our move in date back a few days. We jumped at the chance to have clean sparkling walls and we have been bidding our time while we wait two extra days for our new place to be made ready for us. I am actually relieved because I was dreading the prospects of living in an apartment that had grimy hand prints and residue everywhere. Our lives are slowly getting packed into boxes and we are filling claustrophobic with all of the boxes littering every available space. The walls feel bare and the rooms are echoing as we have removed all of the decorations from the walls. Its feeling less like home and more like a holding cell as we get more and more excited to move and settle into our new place with clean newly painted walls!

Ray's of Sonshine

The warmth of the morning light streams through the partially opened blinds as I feel you shift to conform to my body's position against my knee pillow. My eyes slowly begin to open as the light streams through the opened window. I gently rub my belly where I can feel you stirring. You quickly thump my belly with a responding kick. I smile as we have this special moment together. I begin speaking out loud to you, asking you silly things like, "How was your sleep, did you have pleasant dreams? What have you got planned today? Will you be growing eyebrows or eyelashes on your agenda for the day?" After each question you firmly respond with a stream of spiraling twirls and kicks. Your daddy rolls over and peaks through sleep laden eyes at me and smiles when he realizes that I am having my customary morning conversation with you. He gently rubs my belly and murmurs, "I love you three (meaning he loves me, you and Liam). He then lazily rolls over and quickly falls back into a deep sleep. I continue speaking to you about your older brother and your daddy and you again thump me with a scissor kick as you respond to my voice. My heart swells with pride that you are so strong and responsive. I curl up into the fetal position so that I can hug you closer to my chest and we remain this way as the sun continues to stream into the room. My shoulders begin to feel the warmth of the morning sun and I feel warm and fuzzy all over. I lazily lay there basking in the warmth of the morning suns warming rays as you continue to kick and twirl inside my belly. I lovingly rub you and sing to you my favorite song, the chorus of, "You are my sunshine." My auntie Vicky taught me this song as we would travel great distances while I was a girl living in New Zealand. This is your oldest brothers favorite song and I have lovingly called him my sunshine since he was a fetus much like you. Just in case you are concerned--He is completely aware that he will be sharing the title of his mothers sunshine with you. Its actually a play on words because I affectionately call you both my, "Ray of Sonshines." Your fast movement begins to slow and you are lulled into stillness. I believe you have worn yourself out with all of your frantic kicking and movement and you are now quietly settling down into a deep sleep. I lay back on my pillows and I lovingly rub your daddy's back as I have this moment of stillness to myself. I contemplate and whisper a prayer of thanksgiving for the love that surrounds me much like the warmth of the morning sunlight that is streaming through my open bedroom window. My life is good and I am grateful for the people in my life that bring me joy and love. My heart swells with warmth as my shoulders lightly bask in the glow of the morning sun. I breathe a sigh of contentment as I am lulled into sleep by the warmth and love that surrounds me. The last thought in my mind before the darkness of sleep overtakes me is, " I am truly blessed with the ray's sonshine that surrounds me!"

The Stigma Of Being An Only Child And Other Life Lessons...

While we have been students at USU, we have enjoyed many wonderful associations and friendships within our little college campus community. We live in a building complex that is comprised of the buildings being configured into three buildings that form a triangle and are referred to as a triad. Our back yard is a huge shared open space where neighbor children run and play while parents visit with one another. It was heart wrenching two years ago when our closest friends and neighbors moved out of our triad and we have been slowly forging friendships ever since.
However, the warmth of our associations has dwindled and not been as strong lately. Our once inviting backyard has become a place of contention and envy. Liam, sadly, has become the brunt of much of the negativity. We have neighborhood children that tell him to ask his parents for snacks when they do not know we are within earshot. They then push him away when he returns with the treats and will not play with him or provide snacks in return. They also ask to play with his toys and then when he asks for a turn they become aggressive and fight with him. Parents are meant to watch their children at all times and yet sadly Bill and I are the only parents outside watching the children. We have become concerned about Liam as he has been bullied and taken advantage of. Lately we have been teaching him how to handle the situation in an assertive manner. But the backlash has been astounding! One of the children had the audacity to tell Bill that, "Liam is spoiled and cannot share because he is an only child." I was shocked! Every single day Liam has shared his toys, his food, his drinks, his treats and the children in the neighborhood have only used him and not returned his kindness or friendship. Liam has a huge heart, he values his friendships with others and has no guile. He gives willingly with no hesitation to children who are mean and cruel to him. How could he be accused of being spoiled or unable to share?? Bill did a really good job handling the situation but I was frustrated that the child's parent was not there to help discipline their own child.

Since the child is to young to understand what he was saying, I couldn't help but think that he was only repeating what his parents have told him. It hasn't escaped my notice that Liam is being judged by someone who is not even there monitoring the actions of their own child. Liam can't help the fact that he is an only child, its not a choice he made nor a choice that Bill or I made for ourselves either. We are incredibly blessed to have the one and only child we have. For us, it hasn't been a choice. Life handed this bag to us and we are trying to make the most of it as best as we can. Is it any one's prerogative how many children I have? Does it make it OK to treat Liam with cruelty because he doesn't have siblings? I think that no matter how many children you have the most important thing is to teach them to treat each other with kindness. Remember the golden rule: "Do unto others that you would have others do unto you." I come from a humongous family with more children than average and so I do not mean to give offense to anyone with x-amount of children, rather that it is more important WHAT we teach our children than how MANY children we have. We all love our children and they are important to us whether we have one or twenty, children are an inheritance from the Lord and I feel it an honor to be a mother to the one and only child I have been gifted with. Liam deserves to be treated with kindness just as everyone else does no matter how many children are in his family. And by the way, just so you know, I am OK with sharing snacks once in awhile but I am not a free restaurant that you can use for snacks, drinks, and treats on a daily basis, just in case you were wondering.

Purging and Fortifying

As the Summer is winding down and as we contemplate another school year, I have been frantically trying to get ready for school.This year, I have a Kindergartner to prepare for school. I am unsure what my feelings are supposed to be about this exciting milestone. I am happy, nostalgic, and excited. I am unsure whether or not I will cry on his first day but I am happy about where he will be going to school and who his teachers will be. I am also getting myself ready to return to school this Fall as well. I am nervous and excited for the new semester as I look forward to completing more College requirements. What has been shocking in our preparations has been the realization that Bill will not be returning to classes with Liam and I. He completed his degree and graduated in the Spring and will be going to work instead. We are still looking for a permanent job for him and we would appreciate your prayers in this endeavor.

I have a huge list of goals and tasks I would like to have completed before school starts in the next few weeks and I have been frantically completing each item on my list. I have been deep cleaning, de-cluttering, and completing old sewing projects. In the midst of all of this chaos, Liam fell victim to the dreaded stomach flu and it has cycled through all three of us.

I have been thrown off balance with this newest challenge as its taken me an entire week to pick the pieces up again. I find it ironic that while I am purging my house of unnecessary clutter, our bodies also became ill and purged unnecessary clutter from our bodies. It has been humbling to be sick during this time, I think I needed to stop for a few days and take a break. I have been so focused on completing my tasks that I haven't stopped long enough to spend quality time with my family. However, I had two days alone with Liam while he was sick and we spent some real quality time together. Albeit he was really sick but it was still time where we got to be alone and together. We have felt closer since that time and I am grateful for that. I then became ill and spent another two days alone with myself. I got to write in my journal, read, and spend time quite, still, and alone with my thoughts.

Then Bill fell prey to the sickness and than for two days I have had the fortune of taking care of him. I have a very independent husband that does not require me to take care of him very much. He, however; was so sick that I actually got to take care of him. It was a pleasure to serve him and care for him and I feel closer to him for it.

I had not penciled in the need for family connection or relationship building on my important list of goals but with us being sick this past week it was accomplished nonetheless. I am grateful for the lesson I have learned from this, sometimes when we are so focused on purging our surroundings and busying ourselves with endless tasks, sometimes we need to stop and fortify or build up the relationships we have with our families. Sometimes we need to purge ourselves of being so busy and allow ourselves times of stillness to reconnect with both our loved ones and ourselves. If Liam had not brought the stomach flu to our home, I am sure I would not have learned this important lesson. I am the kind of person that is forever busying myself with endless tasks, goals, and deadlines. I realize that I do need more balance in my life by slowing down and focusing on what I have in my life with the ones I love the most.

I want to say to my family that I love you and I am grateful that we are all in excellent health again and that I feel closer to each of you as well. Now, how about that list, which one of you is going to help me with cleaning out the hallway closet we only have two weeks left until school starts, not to mention the back porch which one of you will be helping me with...and so it goes.

An Important Reminder

For the past few years I have been going through some intense life changing experiences. As I have been making a lot of inner changes, I have felt myself getting stronger in some areas while weakening in others. This morning I had my visiting teachers over for the first time in a long time. One of the sisters shared something with me, she broke down into tears and said to me in her lovely and beautiful way, " Sister, Heavenly Father really loves you very much because I can feel it." The spirit was so strong as she struggled to bridge the gap created by a language barrier. However, it was written in her expression and her sincerity and the spirit was able to fill in all the gaps. I understood what she was sharing with me and I felt it pierce my heart with clarity. Somehow as I have been so hyper focused on working through some hard and hurtful things from my past, I had overlooked a simple truth. Despite my pain and heartache, my Father in Heaven is mindful of me and that he love me deeply.

He loved me enough to have created my spirit
He loved me enough to have created a beautiful world for me
He loved me enough to have a body created for me
He loves me enough to have sent me His Son
He loves me enough to have given me the gospel
He loves me enough to have given me a loving eternal companion
He loves me enough to have given me a ray of sunshine disguised as a little boy named Liam

He loves me and I had completely forgotten just how much he is mindful of me. I feel humbled and full of emotion. I am so thankful that my visiting teacher shared with me her thoughts, I really needed to be reminded of this truth that I somehow have forgotten. I think about how much I love my son and would want him to come to me if he was hurting. I have come to realize that as a Heavenly parent, he must feel the same way that I do for my own child. He is concerned about me and wants me to be reminded that he is there for me and that he loves me very much. He truly is a loving and caring parent that wanted me to be reminded that he does love me very much and I am grateful that I have been reminded of this once again. I don't have to walk this long and difficult road alone since I have Him to go to for strength, comfort, and love. I guess I had allowed that part of me to weaken as I have tried to strengthen other parts of my life.

The Art Of Mourning

My heart keeps reminding me that even though I am busy with school, family, and life that something hurtful has happened to it. I feel this constant ache in my heart and tears are not far from falling as I am constantly reminded that I am in the middle of mourning. In times past when a loss occurred it was customary for the ladies of the family to dye their gowns black and dress entirely in black as an indicator that they were in mourning. The mourning period lasted twelve months from the passing of the person. Weddings were prohibited to occur in a family that was in mourning and family gatherings were to be solemn and simple. Once the year of mourning was passed the family members could resume wearing colors or could continue wearing black. Not adhering to these traditions was considered scandalous and all classes observed these traditions.

Women created works of art using hair of the family in mourning, these are called "mourning weaves." These were displayed in honor of the deceased as memorial to their life and passing. It was also apart of the culture to have death masks, take photos, or have art commissioned as a testament of the passing of a loved one. The strict observances later morphed into wearing only a black arm band and observances were lightened. Mothers and Fathers wore black arm bands to indicate their sons or daughters were lost during WW I and WWII. It was like a badge of honor so that others would know what these courageous parents were experiencing.

These observances of mourning to some in our modern era would be seen as macabre or freakish. In our modern day society we do not stop and pause when a loved one dies. We put on a stiff upper lip and continue on in the rat race. We don't stop or change our daily habits or allow others around us to know, "Hey I am in mourning right now, could you cut me a little slack and be gentle with me right now as I am hurting." I wish I could wear something to send the message to those around me that my heart is hurting right now and that I am likely to burst into tears. This is OK, its apart of grieving. In years past our ancestors were accustomed to losing loved ones as the mortality rate was significantly lower then what we enjoy today. It was OK for someone to be sad and grieve. It was expected and their was protocol and traditions observed to allow people to grieve.

A Week That I Will Forever Remember As One Of The Worst Weeks Ever

This has been one horrible yucky not so great week for us! Here is what has happened to us in the last seven days:

1. School Started, not so bad actually quite good
2. My beloved Aunt passed away and I could not make it home (New Zealand) to her funeral
3. I passed out and fell down an entire flight of stairs and face planted face first into a snow bank. I am scraped, banged and bruised all over. However my pride is mostly hurt since I did this in front of several class mates, EMBARRASSING!
4. Liam has a viral infection that we can't seem to get rid of. He was feverish and couldn't go to school which meant Bill, Grammy, and I had to bounce him amongst the three of us. Not an easy task when we all work and Bill and I are in school full time as well.
   
5. The real chaos began on Saturday. Our up stair neighbors washer was not installed properly and our living room, hallway, and laundry closet was FLOODED. Many things were destroyed the most expensive being our washer.
6. We found a replacement washer but sadly discovered that it had a major leak and it flooded our living room all over again.
7. We installed three washers over the course of one day!! Two that didn't work and one that was brand spanking new. But cost us some major moolah. Ouch!
   
8. In the midst of all the laundry from mopping up our flooded house, Liam got the stomach flu. Yip he spewed eeewwwwwwwhhhhhh........ from both ends EVERYWHERE! His bed, the living room, on the coach everywhere! So the piles of stinking laundry kept piling up higher and higher as we struggled to get a working non-flooding washer installed. The amount of laundry we had was overwhelming and we have been running our new washer non-stop to get it all caught up before school starts tomorrow.
9. Bill and I are exhausted from a lack of sleep from all of the chaos!
   
10. I have stacks and stacks of homework due, a quiz, two math assignments and a paper all due and I am overwhelmed since I was working so hard all weekend to care for a flooded out house, and sick child.

AGGGGGHHHHH.....Calgon take me away! I am trying not to burst into tears because when it rains it really pours! On a happier note I am happy to say that Liam is feeling much better Grammy is watching him so that Bill and I can frantically try and get everything ready for school tomorrow. I hope this next week will not be so crazy, I don't think my brain or nerves could handle it!

My Endless Need To Apologize

I don’t know about you but I have always been the type of person that feels the need to apologize. I apologize from sun up until sun down and all the time in between. I hear the words escaping from my lips and I wonder why it is that I feel the need to continually apologize. I find that most times I am apologizing for things I haven’t even done or that are completely out of my control. Yet I persistently apologize for all that is wrong in the world as if I have the power to change it or as if somehow I am responsible for it. I am working hard right now to accept myself for what I am responsible for and to not feel the compulsion to apologize for that, which is not mine.

Awakenings and Reminders

From a young age I learned quickly to adapt to being from two different worlds the secular world of the Caucasian and the spiritual/mystical world of the Maori. Mostly these two worlds coexist in harmony and peace within me while at times they are at war with one another about how I should function as a product of both of them. In an effort to make a compromise since I live in the United States far away from my other homeland of New Zealand I believe that my inner Maori has chosen to slumber within me to allow me the ability to function in the world that I live in.
However there are times when that inner Maori makes herself known to me and reminds me that she is indeed there and still apart of me. It seems that there is a pattern to her awakenings. When I am particularly stressed, depressed, scared, or confused she arouses to comfort me and remind me that I am a child of Aotearoa and that I have ancestors that are pulling for me on the other side.

The Maori culture is one of deep spirituality where we believe that our departed dead still exist in the world of the Spirits. From the tender age of three years old I have had multiple spiritual experiences where both my beloved grandmother Maku Mei Reihana for whom I am named and my great great grandfather Maihi Paraone Kawiti
have been a source of comfort and peace for me. I feel that it is them that send me these little reminders of who I am and that they are mindful of me despite the fact that they may feel so far away from me as they reside in the world of the Spirits. This past week was a particularly rough one for me filled with disappointment and heartache, yet as a special gift from Heaven, by "accident" I stumbled upon this video on You-tube. I must admit that I sobbed and sobbed watching it as my inner Maori reminded me that I have many ancestors that are invested in me and are mindful of me and all that I am worked so hard to accomplish. This has been a hard week but I am grateful for the reminder that I am not truly alone and that I have ancestors that love me and are supportive of me despite the distance and time that separates us.

M.I.A. (Missing In Action)

Is this a post about Chuck Norris or the courageous actions of war veterians? Sorry, no I am currently too shallow for that. Rather this is a post to appologize for my lack of posts and to share with you all how I have been missing in aciton in other ways as well. Last Friday the week ended with Finals and I felt that I in order to reward myself for all of my hard work that I deserved a few extravagances. Here is a run down of those...

I excused myself from making dinner every night and we all ate lots and lots of cold pizza and cold cereal. (Just not together, ewww!)




I gave myself permission not to clean or pick up a single thing all week, here is evidence...



I slept in every day this past week and was late to work all week! Oops!



I have enjoyed slacking off all week and must admit that I think I will go M.I.A more often since this past week has been so enjoyable!!

The Case Of The Cute Computer

Way back when the dinosaurs roamed the Earth back in 1984 my parents purchased an Apple Computer much like the one pictured above. My siblings and myself would spend countless hours drawing on mac paint. At that time street art or graffiti was the "hot" fad and my older brothers would spend hours and hours perfecting their skills.


Whereas Quinn (my just younger brother) and I would challenged each other at speed games, such as the maze or the puzzle.
What, might you ask, has prompted this sudden nostalgia? I recently had a fellow classmate accuse me of owning a MacBook only because, "It was cute."
I was quite taken aback since I had never thought of a computer being capable of being "cute." In vain I tried to share with her my computer ownership history in hopes that she would understand my long affiliation with Mac and that my current ownership had nothing to do with its scale of "cuteness."Yet I struggled on in vain since all she had to say in response to my discourse was, "WOW, what a cute story!"

So, What Are You?

Traditional Maori greeting called a hongi, or the breath of life, once this breath is shared you are now considered family for the duration of your visit.

I bet that most of you dread meeting new people. Perhaps you are shy, you don’t know how to answer the questions posed to you or perhaps it’s for reasons other then I have listed. I personally dread meeting new people for one specific reason, it’s “the dreaded question,” I detest being asked the most. This is how the conversation usually goes:

Stranger: Hi, how are you?
Me: I am doing good,How are you?
Stanger: I am good, thanks for asking..
Me: Thats good, so do you mind if I ask your name…
Stranger: Oh sure, I am (Generic-Name-Easy-To-Pronounce-Insert-Here) and you are?
Me: My name is Moana, pronounced Moe-On-A
Stranger: WOW, that’s different…
Me: (cringing cause “the dreaded question” is coming)
Stranger: You look kind of exotic, so what are you?
Me: (Hmm…I thought it was obvious I am a HUMAN) I am Maori American
Stranger: Moldy what, where is that??
Me: No Maori the indigenous people of New Zealand and American.
Stranger: Oh, so you’re American…
Me: Yes, but I am mixed race I am Maori American.
Stranger: Oh, so you were raised in New Zealand.
Me: I was mostly raised in America but I am mixed race I am also Maori
Stranger: But if you were raised in America how could you be Moldy or whatever?
Me: My mother is a full-blooded Maori and my father is Caucasian American so the blood that I inherited from each of them is therefore mixed so I am both.
Stranger: That’s to complicated, can I just call you American with a nice tan?

I hope that through this conversation you can see how strange and one sided we as human beings seem to be when we try to categorize people into neat and tidy little piles of all white, all black, all Mexican, etc. Especially when we are uncertain about where they are coming from, find it hard to pronounce their names or are unsure from what side of the planet they hail from. Its like we have sensory overload and our brains shut off and we go into information shock or something. I have seen many an intelligent person go into this catatonic state before and its not fun!

In the past fifty years or so there have been many interracial marriages of which I am a proud product. I illustrate this topic not to draw negative attention but rather to enlighten you to the fact that I am a product of BOTH my parents. When asked to claim one race and not another it feels to me as if I am being asked to choose my father over my mother or vice versa. Honestly could you do that? Why then would anyone ask me to make that choice? Besides I didn’t know that your blood changed based upon where you were raised. The genes I have are from BOTH sides of my ancestry despite where I was raised, so contrary to common belief your blood does not change according to where you live or are raised. I also assert that because of this blood I have inherited traits from both progenitors and I am confident in claiming both races as my unique heritage.

I propose that as a society that we must learn to incorporate new ideas about race and allow the person to choose for themselves and not for society to impose this choice upon them. I also hope that I can inspire those of you out there to find a nicer and more appropriate way of asking about someone’s ethnicity and not asking them, “So what are you?” We are all human beings belonging to the same big and colorful family for which I am personally grateful for!

That my friends is just my two cents worth...

Will They Like Me?

I am getting ready to start a new session of classes in the morning and I can't help but feel a little nervous. I wonder if I will like my teachers, will I find someone to study with and more importantly will my fellow classmates like me.

I thought that these feelings and thoughts would end with childhood and yet I find that I still worry about making a good impression just as much as I did as a child. I know I have just broken an unwritten rule that states that we are not suppose to admit that we worry still whether or not others like us, but I can't help it as I sit here worrying all the same hoping that I will make a few friends and that my fellow classmates will like me.

Having A Case Of Fried Brain Syndrome

One of the wonders of a summer college course is that they can actually take fifteen weeks of material and cram it into only four weeks. I endure three hours a day of lecture time and then retreat to the library to do lots and lots of reading, writing, and test preparations the rest of the day.

Hooray, I have come down to the final two days and yet I am experiencing an intense case of "Fried Brain Syndrome." The symptoms are that your brain feels stiff and sore and you cant possible stuff anymore information into it. Its like my brain has undergone a revolt of its own accord and refuses to cooperate. I have tried to coax it to cooperation in the past 24 hours by taking it to a movie, going to bed early and even blogging and facebooking for atleast an hour and yet can I get any cooperation?? NO!

This is what my brain feels like right now with all of the information overload it has endured the past four weeks!

My Brain has insisted that I should continue blogging and facebooking just a little bit longer and read a fun book instead of my textbook and then maybe, just maybe it will realign with my requests and assist me with the avalanche of homework I have waiting for me. Wish me luck folks as I work the kinks out of my "Fried Brian Syndrome" and get the course work I have to finish in the next 24 hours.

PS Liam had a fabulous Birthday Thank You all for your wishes, I will post pictures later when I have more time to do them justice.

Exhausted But Thankful

I can't seem to stop yawning! I am so tired that even my hair and fingernails seem to be exhausted. I am taking 12 credits over the course of the Summer and this has been the first week of classes for me. I am overwhelmed with how busy I am.

I get up around 6 am and leave the house at about 8 am and don't get home until about 9-10 pm every night. I haven't seen Liam in days and I am missing him so much! Sadly tomorrow, Saturday I will be doing homework the better part of the day.

I am working hard at school right now while I try to manage a family, a marriage, a home, and other areas of my life. I feel overwhelmed yet grateful to a loving husband that supports me and compensates for me. He had dinner made for us yesterday when I got home at 9pm last night and helped me get Liam ready for bed. Bill took compassion on me and tucked me into bed as well and cleaned the house while I slept. I am so grateful for all that he does to show me his support as I am so crazy busy with my education goals. He totally understands my ambitions and doesn't resent me for wanting to achieve and accomplish my lofty goals. I love and appreciate you so much honey for standing by me and supporting me in my madness. Lots of love, Moana

Last Week Of Classes

I am so relieved that this is the last week of classes and next week is finals week. I will be attending classes this summer which begins May 11, 2009. I have worked so hard this semester and am looking forward to my final grades posting in the next few weeks. I have also registered for Fall and am excited about some of the classes I will be taking. I have come to the realization that I am enjoying college despite the levels of stress and mayhem that occasionally ensue.

The Best Bouquet I Have Ever Received

This is the view outside my front door. Yes its great in photos but not so great when you contend with it every single day from October until April or May!!

As many of you may have already deduced for yourselves, I am not a fan of winter. I know that I am living in the wrong state for someone who loathes snow, but sadly this is my plight. I have been feeling particularly discouraged the past few days, as the weather has been less then cooperative. We have had snow most of this week and I have been concerned that spring will never find her way to us.
However, this evening Bill and Liam went for a walk while I was left in peace to prepare dinner. My reverie was interrupted as I received a phone call from my husband urging me to come outside so that he could show me something.
Great, I thought, a dead rat or something equally disgusting was probably awaiting me. He added before hanging up, “Oh yeah bring your camera with you, you won’t want to miss this.” I felt doom and destruction vibrating through the air with that ominous request, “Bring your camera so that we can document some disgusting tragedy.”
I slumped along to where my family was awaiting me. “Oh good, you brought your camera,” my husband intoned. “Go look over there by those rocks there’s something special I want you to see."
I anxiously and cautiously peered to where he had pointed and my heart leapt into my throat. Oh my goodness…could it truly be…the most miraculous and awe-inspiring sight that I had not expected.
Just emerging from the hard packed dirt was a bouquet of yellow and purple crocuses spreading their glorious petals to drink in the last rays of the setting sun. My heart was gladdened to see these the first harbingers of spring. I blinked back the tears and said a silent thank you to a loving Heavenly Father that knew that his child was in need of a fresh bouquet of spring flowers. And to a husband that wanted to share with me the first flowers of spring and not a dead rat or something equally disgusting!

If you click on the picture to enlarge it you can see the raindrops on the petals, truly gorgeous and encouraging that spring will be here soon.

The Reality of Being A Mom That Went Back To Work and College!

I have had a busy and productive day and now my brain is exhausted!! I thought this image and quote were to funny to keep to myself. (Image from photobucket.com) Why am I overwhelmed you ask? Let me fill you in:

1. It wont stop snowing!!! Agghh!!
2. I have a test on Friday.
3. I have two tests next week.
4. I met with my academic advisor today.
5. I met with my financial aid counselor today.
6. Registration for Summer and Fall Semesters' begins next week.
7. I am STILL undeclared!
8. I am running out of General Ed classes to take.
9. My house is a disaster!
10. I haven't cooked a meal in days and I worry that my child will develop obesity or something because of it.
11. I have no idea how to parent my child when at times I think I behave like one!
12. I STILL don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
13. Ho hum the lists continues on and on...
14. I think I will take a nap now!
    

When Will Spring Find Us?

We awoke this morning to find that the roads and sidewalks were clogged with several inches of snow. I am disheartened to learn that we are to expect cloudy skies with a likelihood of more snow or rain all week. I am totally depressed by this prospect since I am desperate for Spring to find us here in our Valley. What I would give to feel the sun on my face and hear the air filled with the glorious sounds of birdsong!