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Friday, June 10, 2011

Apprehensions

I am in a ponderous mood as I sit here in my living room of ten years surrounded by packed moving boxes. I am excited to have more room for my growing family and all of the amenities of the new place, but I can't help but feel apprehensive and sad that I am leaving this tiny place of many memories. I think about the amazing friends and people that I have come into contact with here and I feel saddened that I am moving away from them. I will miss sitting in my living room with my back door open while I listen to the riotess birds in the trees. I will miss the cooling mountain breezes that blow through my bedroom window as if on cue at around ten pm every single night the wind begins to blow as if some cosmic switch was turned on to send cooling and refreshing air throughout my house. I will miss the rhythm of this place with its familiar sounds and rituals. I will miss watching my son playing in our back yard with children from all over the world and the diversity that is had here in this amazing campus family. I will miss being just one of the many diversely brown faces here. I will miss so much about this little community that I have called home for ten years now, I am sad and nostalgic as we make plans to move out in the morning. I wish I could take back the lease I signed and the intent to vacate this familiar place and hold onto this little slice of heaven for just a little bit longer. I wish my unborn son could know this place and call it home like his older brother Liam. But alas, I have to remind myself that I am an adult now and that a part of being an adult is making hard decisions. It also means knowing when to hold on and when to let go. Right now it is time to gently let go and move forward with our lives. I have learned that when we hold onto something we love to tightly it makes it harder for God to bless our lives with growth and possibilites. I grudgily accept that I am much like a potted plant that has outgrown its pot and that for my roots to grow deeper and stronger, I have to be transplanted to a larger space. Like so many things that have happened in my recent life, I have to cling to my faith and allow God to gently nudge me where he would have me go. I just wish being transplanted didn't hurt so much and fill me with so much melancholy and apprehensions.

3 comments:

Jana Perkins said...

I wholeheartily agree with everything you said. Aggie Village is a special place and I miss the backyard and the friendships more than anything. Ending always come with beginnings. Sending lots of love your way on this new journey!

Jackie Clines said...

I also agree! Even though we have been gone for two years and lots of great new things have come into our lives since then, I still miss Aggie Village and the community there. We enjoy having a bigger place, but really miss all the people and the opportunities to socialize and interact. Especially for us moms, we tend to rely on that network of other women! You will always have fond memories, and so will Liam, but I know the upcoming in your adventures in your life will be special in new ways, too! Keeping our fingers crossed that everything goes well!

Chelsa said...

Wow, reading this post really made me miss Aggie Village. The place where our family began! I'll always have fond memories of living there. It was our cinderblock palace! Do the tulips we planted by our deck still bloom in the spring? Thanks for this post! Best wishes for your future!