Celebration

I will be graduating with my Associates Degree on Friday April 29. The next Saturday--May 7 from 12-2 pm Bill will be hosting a party for me to celebrate this newest milestone. Please email me, leave a comment or facebook message me for details if you would like to come.

I am really proud of this accomplishment because it is something I have wanted my entire life. Since I was a young child, I knew that one day I would like to graduate from College. I know that I am only halfway there and yet I am super proud of all the hard work I have put into earning this degree. I held a job, raised a child, got pregnant, and am a wife while maintaining a 3.97 GPA. That is all A's with two A-'s. I have loved every experience whether good or bad because it has contributed to my college experience. Yesterday, I had my exit interview and I nearly cried as I reviewed with my academic advisor all that had taken place over the past three years to get me where I am today. I am so grateful for the people who have helped me, encouraged me, and believed in me. I am so grateful and humbled that I am halfway to realizing one of the greatest goals I have ever had. I know that before to long, I will be back in the classroom completing the other half of my goal.

Getting An Education

Liam started Kindergarten three weeks ago, and yet I am just now finding the time to blog about it. Liam has been attending preschool/daycare for two years now and so he is kind of an old pro at being away from mom and dad for extended periods of time. However, he was especially excited that he was going to be going to the "Big Kids School." He eagerly picked out his school clothes and laid them out with his beloved back pack. He woke up early and was ready and out the door on time for the entire first week. However, with the reality sinking in that this is how life is going to be for the next thirteen years at least, he has lost a little of his enthusiasm. He has been late several days this week and his enthusiasm is waning. Despite all of that he still claims to LOVE school. He says his favorite part is snack time, recess, and having a new friend.I am also grateful that he LOVES his Kindergarten teacher. Each day he has glowing things to tell us about his day. He is very good at getting his homework done each night and laying his clothes out in preparation for the morning. He is acting more mature and I am astounded that my baby really is old enough to be in school. He has the funniest stories to tell and I love to see how his mind is working and processing all that he is being taught. I am also grateful that he is in close proximity to me. Next year, I will be able to sneak over and have lunch with him. He is also close enough so that I can volunteer in his classroom in between my college classes. I actually drop him off to his school on the way to my school. We both have our backpacks and our bikes as we roll into school for the day. Classes started for me two weeks ago.
I am being brave and taking more credits than I have dared in the past. I am managing everything really well and actually enjoying my classes and the busyness of it all. At the end of summer, I realized that I was really sad that I wouldn't be taking another Math class. So I re-evaluated and decided that I could actually take a few more. I am LOVING my Math 1050 class and enjoying it so much! I would never have guessed that I would prefer a Math class over an English class! I am still waiting for the reports telling the world that pigs can now fly and that Hades has frozen over. Its a strange phenomenon to find love in something you once detested. But life is about gaining new experiences and growing up a little. I can hardly believe that at the end of this semester, I will be a few credits shy of being a Junior. I can scarcely believe how fast time is going, it feels like just yesterday that I was Freshman. I love being in school and that I have the amazing opportunity to be a college student. I also love that my little man is loving him some education as well.

Sometimes Bad News Is Really Good News

For fifteen years I have been struggling with regulating my blood sugar levels. I have had my blood tested repeatedly with the same result each time, "Sorry you don't have diabetes and we are uncertain what is wrong." My blood sugar levels have been so chaotic that I fluctuate from being to high or low and my body's response has been to either pass out or cause me to instantly fall into a deep sleep, that kinda feels like a coma. It has put me in both embarrasing and dangerous situations, where my quality of life has been greatly affected. I have also been struggling with losing weight and keeping it off. When I resrict my calories and then work out the consequences have become dangerous. In the middle of an intense workout, I have passed out a few times and fell and hurt myself on the machine that I was working out on. Each time I haul myself back into the doctors office to find out what is going on and each time I have had the same frustrating, "Sorry can't help you." I have been forced to accept my life and what it has become with fluctuating blood sugar levels.

A few weeks ago our family was sick with bronchitis, I was feeling under the weather. I went into the student health center to see if the doctor could prescribe something for me. I was not prepared for what was to come from this visit. I was facing away from the doctor when she entered. She came up and put her hands gently on my back and inspected my neck. She then began asking me questions about my families medical history and whether or not I was struggling with blood sugar problems. I was shocked! For the first time in fifteen years I had a doctor that was taking the initiative and asking me about the one huge health issue I have been confronted with. I told her how I am a prisoner in my own body passing out and falling asleep all over the place and struggling to lose weight and my battle with fertility problems.

She did something no one else has done, she listened. She ordered a full battery of tests to be done immediately. She told me that I have acanthosis nigricans around my neck that is one indicator of insulin resistance. Doctors have been looking for full blown diabetes and not looking for insulin resistance. When I got the test results back we found that my thyroid works perfectly and that my glucose levels are great. But the big issue is my insulin, it should be a 1:10 ratio to my glucose levels but mine is a sluggish 1:3 ratio. She perscribed metformin and has referred me to work with a dietitian. We are going to see if we can discover what levels of meds I need with the right diet and exercise. I have been on the metformin for a week and it has been the difference between night and day. I feel amazing and have been able to avoid all the yucky side affects that have plagued others on the meds thus far. I feel energized and have not passed out once. I am so grateful that I finally found a doctor that is willing and able to help me conquer my insulin resistance. Not to mention losing four pounds the first week is pretty impressive!

I really don't want to be full blown diabetic and this doctor is going to work hard with me to ensure that doesn't happen any time soon. I have a family history of diabetes and I have watched many family members become sick from it and eventually die from complications stemming from diabetes. I would really like to avoid this fate as much as possible!

I have learned from this that sometimes bad news can actually be good news. I don't like knowing that I am pre-diabetic but I sure like knowing why I keep passing out and that I can do something about it now before it progresses to a stage that I can't return from. I see this as a chance to get better. My doctor feels that we can hold the diabetes off for a long time with medicine, a healthy diet, and exercise. I have gone from feeling powerless and uncertain to feeling empowered and educated. I like this much better than smacking my head on the pavement each time my blood sugars drop!

Tenaciousness to the tenth degree

My entire youth I was tormented by my inabilities to understand math. Math was a huge source of frustration, and confusion for me. I never understood why the apples were being taken away and what was up with long division? To me, these were torturing devices designed to make me feel stupid and inadequate. In fact, I was afraid of math to the point of delaying college because I believed that I would never be able to pass the Math classes that were required. After all I had literally failed every single math class I had ever attempted. However, I realized that I could not keep avoiding math out of shame or fear. I finally have been facing my math fears over the course of the past year. I began by first submitting myself for special testing to see if I had a math learning disability. The test revealed that I do struggle with math but that the components for understanding math were there and that with extra effort on my part I would be able to master math. I began at the very lowest level math class at the local technology college and I slowly started mastering the basic math concepts that had been stumbling blocks for so long. At first I was afraid that I would never be able to understand math but I worked hard nonetheless. What happened over the course of the next few months was a huge transformation that I was not expecting. As I consistently worked hard each and every day on math, I found that I was actually comprehending math. Where I had first been afraid and ashamed I developed confidence and comprehension. I was understanding math and actually enjoying it. I worked my way through the lower levels of math and passed those classes with A's.

I was then ready to begin at USU with the lower levels of Algebra. I enrolled in a special math class that is available to those who qualify. It's an intensify class that meets every day and has a special SI and tutoring sessions. The class size was only about 15 students and the same teacher teaches all of the math courses. I began with pre-algebra and for the first time in my life I was able to solve equations that I had never before comprehended. I found that not only did I enjoy math but I was actually quite good at it. I again received an A in this math class and my self esteem was boosted. The next step in this journey was for me to take Math 1010. I had heard mixed reviews from other students about this course and dreaded stories about the college wide final that concluded the course. I again was in a smaller class with the same math teacher and SI instructor and tutors. I worked hard each and every day and was forever mindful of the final exam. I did everything I could to succeed in my math class and I was astounded when my final math grade posted. I earned an A- in my Math 1010 class. Never in my life did I believe that I could earn an A from a math course. I believed that I was stupid when it came to numbers and that my brain was not cut out for math computations. However, with an amazing support system and tenaciousness I have learned that you can actually accomplish anything you set your mind too. I worked long, hard hours on math over this past year, at least 4-6 hours every single day for a whole year in addition to 6-8 hours every single weekend. Math has been the center of my universe and I feel strange that I have finished my math requirements. I learned for myself that I am actually quite good at math and that with hard work and determination you can accomplish anything. I also believe that I was creating my own stumbling blocks by continually telling myself that I was a failure when it came to math and that I would never get it. When I suspended those hurtful judgements and began to dig in and work hard at learning more about math I discovered that I actually love math and that my brain is more than capable when it comes to math computations.

An Important Reminder

For the past few years I have been going through some intense life changing experiences. As I have been making a lot of inner changes, I have felt myself getting stronger in some areas while weakening in others. This morning I had my visiting teachers over for the first time in a long time. One of the sisters shared something with me, she broke down into tears and said to me in her lovely and beautiful way, " Sister, Heavenly Father really loves you very much because I can feel it." The spirit was so strong as she struggled to bridge the gap created by a language barrier. However, it was written in her expression and her sincerity and the spirit was able to fill in all the gaps. I understood what she was sharing with me and I felt it pierce my heart with clarity. Somehow as I have been so hyper focused on working through some hard and hurtful things from my past, I had overlooked a simple truth. Despite my pain and heartache, my Father in Heaven is mindful of me and that he love me deeply.

He loved me enough to have created my spirit
He loved me enough to have created a beautiful world for me
He loved me enough to have a body created for me
He loves me enough to have sent me His Son
He loves me enough to have given me the gospel
He loves me enough to have given me a loving eternal companion
He loves me enough to have given me a ray of sunshine disguised as a little boy named Liam

He loves me and I had completely forgotten just how much he is mindful of me. I feel humbled and full of emotion. I am so thankful that my visiting teacher shared with me her thoughts, I really needed to be reminded of this truth that I somehow have forgotten. I think about how much I love my son and would want him to come to me if he was hurting. I have come to realize that as a Heavenly parent, he must feel the same way that I do for my own child. He is concerned about me and wants me to be reminded that he is there for me and that he loves me very much. He truly is a loving and caring parent that wanted me to be reminded that he does love me very much and I am grateful that I have been reminded of this once again. I don't have to walk this long and difficult road alone since I have Him to go to for strength, comfort, and love. I guess I had allowed that part of me to weaken as I have tried to strengthen other parts of my life.

He's A Real Momma's Boy

I found this old picture of Liam and wanted to compare it to one of my own at the same age, we have identical profiles and a lot of the same features. As one of my friends said it perfectly, "Liam is you only in negative." Meaning that he has my features but his daddy's coloring. I love this little boy so much and I feel like the luckiest momma in the world to have him as my son.

Loving Me Some New School Supplies

For me there is something WONDERFUL about getting new school/office supplies. I have an entire cupboard dedicated to notebooks, pens, and pencils. When I was a young-un, my brother Quinn and I would anticipate getting new school supplies every Fall. We would pack and unpack our back packs and fawn over our new pencils, crayons, and notebooks. Not much has changed for me even now that I am a grown up. I still LOVE getting new school supplies and for me its one of the greatest parts of beginning a new semester.

My Endless Need To Apologize

I don’t know about you but I have always been the type of person that feels the need to apologize. I apologize from sun up until sun down and all the time in between. I hear the words escaping from my lips and I wonder why it is that I feel the need to continually apologize. I find that most times I am apologizing for things I haven’t even done or that are completely out of my control. Yet I persistently apologize for all that is wrong in the world as if I have the power to change it or as if somehow I am responsible for it. I am working hard right now to accept myself for what I am responsible for and to not feel the compulsion to apologize for that, which is not mine.

M.I.A. (Missing In Action)

Is this a post about Chuck Norris or the courageous actions of war veterians? Sorry, no I am currently too shallow for that. Rather this is a post to appologize for my lack of posts and to share with you all how I have been missing in aciton in other ways as well. Last Friday the week ended with Finals and I felt that I in order to reward myself for all of my hard work that I deserved a few extravagances. Here is a run down of those...

I excused myself from making dinner every night and we all ate lots and lots of cold pizza and cold cereal. (Just not together, ewww!)




I gave myself permission not to clean or pick up a single thing all week, here is evidence...



I slept in every day this past week and was late to work all week! Oops!



I have enjoyed slacking off all week and must admit that I think I will go M.I.A more often since this past week has been so enjoyable!!

Will They Like Me?

I am getting ready to start a new session of classes in the morning and I can't help but feel a little nervous. I wonder if I will like my teachers, will I find someone to study with and more importantly will my fellow classmates like me.

I thought that these feelings and thoughts would end with childhood and yet I find that I still worry about making a good impression just as much as I did as a child. I know I have just broken an unwritten rule that states that we are not suppose to admit that we worry still whether or not others like us, but I can't help it as I sit here worrying all the same hoping that I will make a few friends and that my fellow classmates will like me.

Having A Case Of Fried Brain Syndrome

One of the wonders of a summer college course is that they can actually take fifteen weeks of material and cram it into only four weeks. I endure three hours a day of lecture time and then retreat to the library to do lots and lots of reading, writing, and test preparations the rest of the day.

Hooray, I have come down to the final two days and yet I am experiencing an intense case of "Fried Brain Syndrome." The symptoms are that your brain feels stiff and sore and you cant possible stuff anymore information into it. Its like my brain has undergone a revolt of its own accord and refuses to cooperate. I have tried to coax it to cooperation in the past 24 hours by taking it to a movie, going to bed early and even blogging and facebooking for atleast an hour and yet can I get any cooperation?? NO!

This is what my brain feels like right now with all of the information overload it has endured the past four weeks!

My Brain has insisted that I should continue blogging and facebooking just a little bit longer and read a fun book instead of my textbook and then maybe, just maybe it will realign with my requests and assist me with the avalanche of homework I have waiting for me. Wish me luck folks as I work the kinks out of my "Fried Brian Syndrome" and get the course work I have to finish in the next 24 hours.

PS Liam had a fabulous Birthday Thank You all for your wishes, I will post pictures later when I have more time to do them justice.

Ruining American's Reputations' One European Country At A Time

As a general rule, I don't normally eavesdrop onto other peoples conversations. That being said, I was waiting for a class to begin when a really LOUD conversation between a guy and a gal was taking place. I was trying REALLY hard not to listen to them, honestly, if I could have removed my ears to avoid it, believe me, I would have. However, the guy had this loud booming voice that really carried across the room in a, “Hey-just -so-you-know-I-am-really-important-and-the-rest-of-you-poor-losers-really-need- to-hear-what-I-am-saying-kinda-way.” They were discussing study abroad in Europe the girl was sharing her experiences of being exposed to amazing people and their individual cultures. You could tell that it had made a huge impression on her and that she was trying to share with him what she had learned. Sadly he interrupted her and said,
“Well I went to London and I thought it was a complete waste of time, there was nothing of value there. I would recommend that you go to Germany. There the people are cool they look up to Americas and treated me like I was a God, I had a girlfriend in like only two days.”
I had not realized that you could dismiss an entire country like England because they don't know that the world revolves around us American's, I did not know this, did you? WOW! But thankfully Germany apparently got the memo that we are pretty important because after all we are Americans.
I am at this moment cringing to myself thinking, “Oh so your the idiot that ruins it for Americans like me, gee I should send you a thank you card or something!” Most Europeans find Americans to be self-centered and conceited thanks to jerks like this guy. My eyes are darting from side to side trying to discern if anyone else is overhearing this conversation and is feeling outraged. I am imagining that some Europeans looking at each other saying, “See they are all Jerks.”
Despite my complete horror and consternation, I can't help but feel a small amount of pity as I am thinking to myself, “WOW if this is your pick up line you really need some help buddy.”
I was completely sickened by the guy since he was a cocky jerk but the girls reaction made me completely ashamed and embarrassed to be a woman. Despite all of the ridiculousness coming out of the guys mouth she was totally eating what he was dishing out. I had to stop myself from gagging in my mouth! She had this reverence for him and all he was saying as if to imply, “Yeah you are totally awesome, WOW a girlfriend in two days, wish I was your girlfriend.” At that moment I wished for the power to freeze the room X-Men like and whisper to her, “He's a jerk, move on sister. You could do way better then this cheese ball.”
I have a theory; the bigger the jerk a guy is the bigger his following is. Why is this? Why do some of us value self-centered “ME monsters”?? You know the type, the world and everyone in it revolves around them! What is it about being treated like junk by a conceited guy that attracts some women? How is a man that thinks he is a equivalent to a God that had a women in two days as being someone worth admiration, sorry but I simply don't get it. When it comes to looking for a desirable match I thought the idea was to look for a man that would love you, treasure, value you and would listen to you as you express your thoughts and feelings. Besides I thought Study Abroad was so that you could expose yourself to OTHER peoples cultures and to cultivate a better understand of the human race as a whole. You know friendship and acceptance?? Hmm..apparently not for this dude. Makes me wish people like this would carry around a red flag so that the rest of us could avoid them!

Houston We Have A Problem...

I have been noticing that I have developed a "slight" addiction to wasting valuable time checking out Facebook, Blogger, and other online services. I am becoming aware that I am spending a little to much time online! My husband took my son tonight so that I could catch up on some important things like getting ready for a test and cleaning my house in preparation for a housing inspection. (yuck I know!) However I have sat here the entire time reconnecting with friends and have gotten absolutely nothing done that I NEEDED to get done.
I am trying to understand what the appeal for being online for hours on end holds for me. Is it because I am lonely, bored, or shy and being online removes barriers for me. Is it because I love connecting with long lost friends or because I enjoy research and learning? I don't understand why I have allowed myself to lose self control like this! I have an acquaintance that posted on her blog recently that she has decided to reclaim her life and stop blogging in order to spend more time with her family. I admire her and think, "WOW!" But do I seriously have the courage that I think it took for her to do that? I am weak in the fact that I desire connecting with others. I don't have the time right now to go out to lunch with old friends or even call them on the phone. But somehow I find the time to check them out online and post comments to them. So I realized that I must find balance between taking care of what is truly important and finding the time to do what I enjoy doing as well. Those who truly know me, know that it totally out of character for me to have a sink full of dirty dishes and a house that is in total chaos. I show these so that you know just bad I have let myself go. Now that I am totally mortified I think I will go and clean up my dishes, oh but wait, I just got an instant message, I guess it can wait a few more minutes...Help!

All My Wildest Dreams Came True

I awoke to a day in which the sun was shining and the birds were singing despite the fact that it was the second to last day of January. I enjoyed a hot shower and I entered the kitchen to find that my dear sweet husband and son had decorated the kitchen for my 33rd birthday.
We enjoyed Strawberry Angel Food cake for breakfast, yum mo!
I then went to school and work and had a productive day.
I felt really good about my performance on my test despite the fact that I have yet to receive my actual score. At the close of the day my husband took me out on a date to my favorite fancy restaurant, Hamilton's where
I ate salmon and crab-super yum mo! Bill surprised me when he suddenly whipped out a small beautifully wrapped box that screamed, "jewelry!"
I was astounded to receive a necklace and matching earrings! I am so touched by his thoughtfulness, he is REALLY good at giving gifts! We then spontaneously went to a movie where we enjoyed, "Australia." We picked up Liam from Grammy's house where she and Liam had made me a heart shaped cake and Liam had purchased me a bright red Mylar heart balloon. I had an amazing and wonderful birthday where, yes all my wildest dreams came true. Now if only everyday was my birthday!

Cold Feet

I am feeling sorry for myself right now since it has been incredibly cold here this past week. Yesterday the roads and sidewalks were covered with ice and I saw 5  people slip and fall.  This morning was slightly warmer at 14 degrees. I left my house at 8 this morning to trudge to class the mile walk to campus. I was praying the entire time that I would not fall and break my leg as I desperately tried to make it to my first Tuesday/Thursday class of the new semester. I could feel my boots slipping and sliding and I just hoped that if I fell no one would see me fall! Somehow everyone walking on the sidewalk would suddenly be rendered temporarily blind or something like that! I kept playing crazy scenerios over in my mind like:

• What do I need to do to fall gracefully?
  
• What do I do if someone offers to help me get up and I can't get up?
  
• What if I  accidently fall over and grab at someone and they fall too? 
  
• What do I do if they are a really small person and I accidently crush them with my girth?
  

Yes these are thoughts running through my mind when I should be reviewing something important from one of my professors lectures!

I have been asking myself WHY I am doing this when I have a perfectly warm and cozy bed to snuggle up into and a pair of incredibly comfy sweats to spend the day in. Yet I am endangering life and limb to bundle myself up into three layers of clothing, a jacket, coat, scarf, ear muffs, and hat and waterproof boots. I keep asking myself, WHY? Then I remember that often times the things we want most come to us only after great hardship and sacrifice. I sip on this as I drink my hot cocoa. I am still ankle deep in slushy snow that makes me slip and slide yet I feel enlightened knowing that there is a time and season for everything. I just happen to be stuck ankle deep in a snow bank worrying about crushing small people to death, but thankfully Spring is not far away. (Don't burst my bubble, I know its only January and April is a long ways away but I am employing wishful thinking here!)

Intentions

I do not make New Years resolutions rather I make New Years intentions. I find that if I label my intentions as goals I have a harder time fulfilling them. Last year I had three intentions:

Lose weight
Go back to College
Potty train Liam

I lost 30 pounds which I gained about 7-8 pounds since Thanksgiving. I have returned back to College and Liam is thankfully potty trained.

For 2009 My New Years Intentions are:

First lose those holiday pounds
Lose another 20-30 pounds this year
Continue with College

Read the D&C

Attend the temple once a month

Last year I publicly shared my goals and I found that by doing so, my intentions were something that I reflected on and checked my progress more regularly. So I share with you blogging world my intentions for 2009.

Putting the "A" In Aggies

As I reflect back upon the past semester my heart is full of gratitude for being blessed with the world’s greatest husband and the most supportive mother-in-law the universe has ever known. Without Grammy's extra help, this past semester would have been near impossible! Thank you for picking up Liam from school and caring for him while I was preparing for exams, presentations, and papers. Your love and support means so much to me, I love you! I have been overwhelmed and overjoyed the past four months as I have begun the long and arduous task of earning a college education. I have been humbled and brought to my knees in fervent prayer as I have struggled and worked hard to accomplish my goals. I have felt the highest sense of exhilaration as I have triumphed and felt my heart soar with gladness as I have earned the most amazing grades this past semester. (Four A's!!) It was with great joy and humility that I ended this past semester and look forward to doing it all over again next semester! I have a lot of people pulling for me and I thank all of you for your love, prayers and support!
Much love,
Moana

Personal Narrative

I am enjoying all of my classes right now but I am finding the most personal satisfaction in my English 1010 class. Initially I was terrified to take this class because I was afraid that the majority of my classmates would be way ahead of me and that I would have to struggle to keep up. I also had some bad experiences in High School that made me feel apprehensive about English as a general rule.

However, I am enjoying my class so much! My instructor is AMAZING, she has a true gift and passion for teaching English. I am very blessed to be in her particular class. I feel like she "gets" and understands me. I have struggled with teachers in the past that have not liked or understood my particular writing style. 

My current teacher has really taught me a lot about how to better stylize my papers and to not be afraid of taking risks. So with my current assignment I have created a metaphor of a clock ticking and how it represents the "strikes" I internally give myself. I am so critical of myself and I have created a list inside my head of all of the strikes I have against me. Such as my age, I have no direction, my ethnicity , etc. All strikes against me as I struggle to fit in with those around me. This is not what I originally wanted to expose about myself and yet, my teacher told me that she wanted me to take a risk. I showed her want I originally had written and she was extremely kind and helpful but helped me to see that I needed to tell the "real" story. I feel so vulnerable as I explore and evaluate my feelings and thoughts. I am however pleasantly surprised with what I have written thus far. I am grateful for the gentle nudge of my English teacher!

Firmly Committed In The Land Of Crazy

It has been a long time since I last posted anything and I thank you friends and loved ones who have called and sent e-mails inquiring how things are going with us. Thank you so much, that really makes me feel loved! Life in our home is crazy!! With Bill and I both in school and Liam at daycare/preschool all day our family is growing and running in a million different directions all at once. I sadly am sick right now with the flu and so I am feeling yucky. But I wanted to tell you all that we are well and that school is going great for me. I feel humbled everyday as I am trying to accomplish my goals. Here is a sample of an average day for me:

5:30am up
6-7am work out
7-7:45 am shower/ready at the HPER
8 am-11am work/study
11-3 classes/lunch/study time
3-5 work/study
5:30 pm pick up Liam
6 pm Home/Dinner
7-8:30 pm Family Time
9 pm Liam Bed
10:30 pm Bed

Every second of my day is accounted for and so its been really hard but as long as I stay organized and focused I get the things done that need to be done. I am grateful for my mother-in-law. She has had to step in a few times and take Liam or pick him up from school when I have had a paper to work on while Bill is in class or at work. Liam is doing amazing and LOVES his school!! I am loving my instructors and I am working really hard. I also love my job. I work for the Digital Library in the Merrill Cazier Library on campus. I scan documents, photos, and books and make them available via the internet. Super cool job, love working there! 

Bill has created an amazing desk for me to do my homework at home while Liam is sleeping. I have made a strict rule that while Liam is home in the evenings I will be his "mom" and not the "student." That is really hard but the second he goes to bed I am hitting the books again. I try really hard to focus the few hours we do have and to make them truly quality hours together since we no longer have the quantity hours that we had before. We read, go for walks, play together, do projects, and cuddle together. I then put him to bed and Bill gets him up in the morning and ready for school since I am already gone. Saturday and sundays have become our most special and guarded times. This is our special family time where we get to spend time together catching up with each other since the rest of the week has Bill and I super busy with school and work. It is crazy busy but we are adjusting.

 Bill and I have created some cool organizational things for us and we have slated a few more projects. I had to share lots of pics of the amazing and innovative desk he created for me. I told him what I really need in a desk and he created for me. Thank you so much honey, you really are talented!

I am also proud to announce that I have lost 30 pounds and that I am still continuing with my weight loss goals even amongst the chaos of my new life. I just bought me a few pair of jeans, I am happy to say that my jean size is a 12. One year ago I was a 18/20 and one year later I am a 12. I can't wait to see what I will be a year from now. I haven't fit into 12's since I was in my teens. Super crazy feeling but I am so proud of myself. I have put in the hard work and I am totally proud of myself.

With school starting I was able to purchase a new laptop and also a gorgeous new bike. I LOVE my bike!! Yeah its a bit over the top but then again I am a 32 year old mother going back to college and so I felt like I could be a little over the top. I LOVE it so much, its such a joy to ride and I love that I can be to class in less then 10 minutes. LOVE IT!

Life for me is totally crazy and busy but I am so happy for the growth I am gaining.  I am committed to this new life I have created for myself even though at times I feel so crazy that I could be committed. But I am firmly committed to the trajectory that my life is going in. I have regretted not having a college education for such a long time. I am grateful for this opportunity to finally fulfill my life-long goal and dream of earning a college education. Thank you all for your love and support. It means so much to me to know that you care and hope for my success. Much love, thank you all!
Moey Moana

Moana And The Big Decision

After long contemplation and tons of soul searching I have come to a major decision. I have decided that I am ready to return back to college. I feel so vulnerable and scared admitting this to the whole world and yet, it is time. Bill has given me so much support and so has his family. Grammy Coleen will be taking care of Liam part time and Liam will also be spending half days two days a week at the Children's House here on campus.

To better understand what I would really like to be studying, I have been working closely with the Career Center here on campus as well. I opted to take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test and the Strong Interest Inventory Tests to better help me decide what my strengths and needs are. If you have no idea what your interests are or what you would like to be studying I strongly encourage taking these tests. If you remotely curious about what your strengths are or more in depth information about your personality then I strongly encourage taking these tests! I have had 3 sessions with a trained counselor that has deciphered the tests for me and shared with me valuable information about my personality. Things like I enjoy communicating and working in groups but I am not a huge risk taker. I am the kind of person that needs constant change, loves ideas, and loves structure in my working environment but needs to have creative license in how the job gets done. I am an extrovert but am introspective. Things like that,so some good insights into me. I also was given a list of the top 10 jobs for my personality type that I then compared to the findings of the Strong Interest Inventory test. I then have a narrowed down list of jobs that I am researching here. Then my counselor will help me with this information to narrow it down even more. It has been a fascinating process and I am learning so much already and we are only in June! I have just registered for Fall and am only going to take a light load this first semester back.

I would greatly appreciate any advice that other mothers out there could share with me. I am scared to death! How do I manage my housework, making healthy affordable meals that meet my Weight Watcher goals, how do I make sure I get the grades I need, I have time to nurture my marriage, sleep, spend quality time with Liam and make him not feel neglected, how do I basically manage all of the many tasks that I am going to be doing?? I am totally scared and yet I know that I need to have an education. Any support you could lend to me would be greatly appreciated!! I am excited and totally freaking out at the same time!! I keep asking myself, "What am I doing?" I am having serious doubt on how I am going to pull this off and yet I have met and am living around the most amazing women who do this every single day. I need your strength and advise mamma's!