7 years and 7 months

For two day, we had a seven year old and a seven month old. Liam turned seven this year and Kennan was seven months old for two whole days before we had a seven year old and an 8 month old. Despite our boys 6 1/2 years gap, they are really close to each other. Liam is a mother hen and is constantly taking care of Kennan. Much to Kennan's consternation! However, Liam is the first person that Kennan looks for every morning and he affectionately calls, "La, La" throughout the house looking for Liam. Once he finds La La Liam, he breaks out into a huge grin and squeals in delight. Kennan also loves to be held and carried by Liam. He knows that Liam is going to take him on an adventure and he loves to be his brothers companion. Liam for his part is forever concerned about Kennan and ensures that he is safe and can't fall or have things fall on him. He has been overheard lecturing Kennan, "Don't do that again OK, that scared me!" And he is brave enough to put his fingers into Kennan's mouth to retrieve things that Kennan should not be eating--lint, small toys, food off of the floor. Liam usually gets a sharp bite on the finger for his efforts but his concern for his brother out weights all of this. Liam and Kennan love each other and are such great friends to one another. I am grateful that despite their huge age difference that they are close buddies despite it all.

Daddies

My dad was the kind of dad that was affectionate, I remember sitting on his lap and him rubbing foreheads and noses with me--something he still does with his grand kids these days. He was the kind of dad that worked long hard hours to ensure our mother could stay home. I remember his eyes being bloodshot and yet he was the first one up in the morning and often times the last to bed. He worked hard, long, exhausting hours. I remember that despite his work schedule, we
had family prayers and scriptures every single night. I remember these rare moments with my dad and I loved having some of his time to hear his thoughts and to learn from him. He was also the kind of dad that always had the Priesthood, I remember being very ill and struggling with various issues and he was always able and willing to give me a father's blessing. He was the kind of dad that would ask me what I thought about many different things I have him to thank for my analytical and
reasoning brain. My dad has inspired me and taught me so much through the example he has been to me. He is the kind of dad that is very principled and has taught me to think morally, ethically, and act with integrity. My dad was the kind of dad that respected and loved my mother. I have never heard him raise his voice to my mother and he has supported her in every way possible. I have the kind of dad that helped my mother birth eight of their sixteen children at home. I remember watching him encouraging and cheering her on each and every time. I knew that when it was time for me to look for a husband that I wanted a man very similar to my own father. I have been truly blessed! Bill has surpassed every item I had on my list for what I thought was the ideal husband and father. Bill is the kind of husband that sends texts and emails throghout the day to remind me that he is thinking of me and loving me. He is the kind of dad that despite his exhaustion will get up in the night with Liam. Some mornings I will find Bill curled up with Liam because Liam had a nightmare or was in need of comfort, all so that I can have some extra sleep. If I don't have dinner ready he never stresses, he makes something for us. He helps with dishes, laundry, housework, and anything else that he sees needs to be done. He supports me so much and helps me to accomplish my goals and dreams. He is loving, kind, gentle, and simply wonderful! He is the kind of daddy that loves to see my pregnant belly getting larger and larger. He tells me over and over that I am beautiful and that he loves seeing me pregnant. Even though I feel like a barge, he makes me feel beautiful with his kind words and affection. I especially love when he rubs my belly and talks to our baby. The things he says are so sweet and loving, I am so lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful husband. I have great hopes that Liam and his siblings will learn from their dad and grandpa the importance of being kind, loving, and gentle in their roles as husbands and fathers. Today, Liam wanted to wear his Spiderman baby so that he could be like his dad. He has lovingly and tenderly played all day that he is his daddy. I have been touched to see how the examples of a good daddy can carry on through the generations and that children are watching and learning from their parents, much like I was and like Bill was. Thanks for being such a great father, dad so that I would know what to look for in my own spouse and thanks Bill for learning from your own experiences how to be the amazing husband and father that you are!

The Third Generation Smile

I grew up in a sleepy little mining community in Southeastern Idaho. My dad grew up in the same dusty town and as a child I would often be stopped by older folks claiming that I had "my dad's look about me." To most people this would not be significant, in fact most people resemble their parents. However, I am biracial and therefore have many of my mothers Maori features. I was unable to see past these features to see where my dad's genes had made themselves known. Therefore, I would shrug off the comments and carry on my merry little way thinking that they were all wrong and that I looked just like myself. When Liam was about three years old, my dad's relatives started telling me that Liam resembled my dad as a little boy. Again, I kinda just shrugged it off and didn't know what to think since I hadn't really seen pictures of my dad as a young boy. Well folks, I am eating my own words as the proof has been shown to me in the past few weeks. My youngest college-aged sister has been living with my parents this past Summer to earn and save money for her Sophomore year at college. She has been doing a lot of digging around through our grandmothers personal photos and history. Grandma has relished her company and has enjoyed the opportunity to reminisce about the amazing life history that she has had so far. My sister felt selfish that only she was privy to these photos and felt that they needed to be shared with our entire family. So my sissy has been uploading all of these photos to Facebook so that our entire family can enjoy these photos. I have been astounded to see that not only does Liam in reality look very similar to my dad but that I also look like my dad! I have his identical smile, my eyebrows and the shape of my eyes all come from my dad. I love that my dad, myself, and Liam all have the exact same smile. I didn't realize the smile that I love so dearly in my own son is in fact my dad's smile. It makes me so happy to know that my boy Liam has some of his papa Ken's facial features! Not to mention that when I am looking at my face, I am in fact looking at part of my dad's face as well. Somehow, this knowledge that I do in fact look like my dad has made me feel very close to him and grateful that I inherited some of his facial features to be a daily reminder of where I come from. I love you dad and am so glad that I have your "looks about me" as a reminder that I am yours. Just as Liam has "your look about him" to be a reminder that he belongs to both of us.

Just Because

Dearest Liam,

I think that I am the luckiest mommy in the whole wide world because I get to be your mom. You make my life so bright and wonderful with your amazing spirit, your love of life, and your ability to bring so much joy into the lives of those around you. This year, you have grown and matured so much. I know that you are going to be the greatest big brother in all the world. You are so concerned and loving towards your baby brother and he isn't even born yet. A few weeks ago, when we witnessed two babies being blessed in Sacrament meeting you quietly whispered to me, "Mom I can't wait to hold my baby brother, he will be so cute and I am missing him." You melt my heart with your tenderness and ability to love others. Your siblings will love you and be so grateful that they have you as their oldest brother. I appreciate all of the hugs, cuddles, and loves we give each other and that you still give your mom kisses and hugs. I know one day it will be embarrassing for you to display this kind of affection in front of your peers and so I try and enjoy each embrace as if its the last. I love that you are working so hard to enjoy school and to find your own way when it comes to learning. You have two parents that LOVE school and I hope that you will develop your own love of learning. I am so proud of you and I love you with all my heart. You have taught me so much about love, life, and joy. You are truly my sunshine and have brought so much light into my life. I love you so much and look forward to watching what you will learn and do next. Loving you as big and wide as the entire universe,

Your momma

First Grader

Looking at our last several posts, I feel somewhat flummoxed that all of them are about the baby and don't have any mention of my amazing first born. So I will dedicated this entire post to him so that I can ease my conscience. This past summer has been a unique one for our little family. It began with us moving from on campus student family housing that we have lived in for ten years. Yes, ten years. No they didn't kick us out or even give us a reward for living there so long! We actually were very sad to leave and each time I drive past I shed a few tears as I reminisce about the wonderful times spent there. We moved to our new apartment in June and have enjoyed getting to know our new neighbors and ward. We have tons more space here with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. We even have a hot tub and swimming pool and have enjoyed swimming most evenings when Bill gets home. I have been avoiding the sun like a vampire since it makes me really sick and having sun stroke
while your pregnant is not the something I would recommend! We have therefore spent most of our time hanging out at home all summer. No camping trips, trips to the Shakespearean Festival, nothing, nada, zip! Liam had a total of 16 days of summer school over the course of June and July. At first I was apprehensive and felt like a huge failure as a mother because my child had to attend summer school. However, it was actually one of the best experiences that Liam could have had this past summer. He had a wonderful experience and learned tons and tons of stuff that had previously evaded him. He will continue to work with the prevention specialists and his teacher specializes in working with kids that struggle with math and reading. We are so grateful that his teachers and school staff are willing and able to
work with him to overcome his individual issues in school. We feel very blessed and fortunate that he is able to continue at his school this year. Its a huge reason we are living here in Logan while Bill commutes to Salt Lake for work each day. We were hugely concerned for Liam's education as we discussed his particular situation with his teachers before the end of the school year. We felt that it was not in his best interests to move him to a different school just yet. So we are going to see how this year goes and if we can help him overcome some of his learning issues. He is attending a charter school that has access to amazing resources that we would not have easy access to very easily elsewhere. I am hopeful as I have watched him become excited about school over the course of the summer. I have been working intensely with him all summer and I am watching a slow fire
building in him. He is starting to enjoy school and learning. He is a super intelligent boy, that isn't the problem. Its more like maturity and behavior stuff that comes with time and patience. Last week, I took him to his school to show him where he would be dropped off each day, where his locker and his classroom was and how to work the lunch room. Since that day he has been asking over and over again when he would be starting school. This morning, he was up, in the shower and dressed before I had his breakfast on the table. As he was eating his waffles, he kept telling me, "Mom I am so excited to be going to school today. I feel like a new Liam." When I asked him what was making him feel like a new boy, he said, "I think my new clothes are making me feel like a new boy." He was so excited about going to school today that we left 30 minutes early and were the first people to arrive at the school. The halls and classrooms were empty as we were able to capture lots of great pictures of Liam's first day since no one was around! He kept telling me how excited he was and that he just wanted school to hurry up and start. I can hardly wait to hear from him how his day went. I hope he has a great first day that will lead him to having a great second and third day, etc. I hope he makes some friends, listens to his teachers, and that he keeps feeling that little fire inside of him growing as he develops his own love of learning.

Nostalgia

I have a friend who is interested in babywearing and so I have been sharing with her my personal experiences from wearing Liam. She wanted to see some pictures of our wrap in action and so I have been flipping through old photos today. I am dying over how cute my little Liam boy was as a little baby. I can't help but think about our newest baby boy and wonder what he will look like. From his ultrasounds he looks almost identical to Liam and so I am assuming they will look very similar to one another with their own variations. I am also reeling by how much my life has changed and improved over the past six years. Liam has brought so much joy and life changes into my life and I am eternally grateful for these blessings. I thought I would include some pics of us babywearing and a short video of baby Liam as I marvel at the joy and happiness the past six years have brought in being Liam's mama.

Bill's graduation day May 2007. Moana wearing Liam with a storchenwiege wrap under a Suze Kinder Coat.

Cleaning the house with 3 1/2 year old Liam along for a ride on mama's back.

Liam loved to ride on my back and would often bring the wrap to me and say, "Up." From this, I knew he wanted to be on his mama in the wrappy.

My younger sister wearing her six month old Camiley while I wear 2 year old Liam. We are at our sister Ana's wedding in 2007 at the Salt Lake Temple.

I love this little face! Seeing young pictures of little Liam makes me sad and happy all at the same time. I miss this little boy so much and yet I love the six year old dude that he is today and I am so lucky and blessed to be his mama.

Ray's of Sonshine

The warmth of the morning light streams through the partially opened blinds as I feel you shift to conform to my body's position against my knee pillow. My eyes slowly begin to open as the light streams through the opened window. I gently rub my belly where I can feel you stirring. You quickly thump my belly with a responding kick. I smile as we have this special moment together. I begin speaking out loud to you, asking you silly things like, "How was your sleep, did you have pleasant dreams? What have you got planned today? Will you be growing eyebrows or eyelashes on your agenda for the day?" After each question you firmly respond with a stream of spiraling twirls and kicks. Your daddy rolls over and peaks through sleep laden eyes at me and smiles when he realizes that I am having my customary morning conversation with you. He gently rubs my belly and murmurs, "I love you three (meaning he loves me, you and Liam). He then lazily rolls over and quickly falls back into a deep sleep. I continue speaking to you about your older brother and your daddy and you again thump me with a scissor kick as you respond to my voice. My heart swells with pride that you are so strong and responsive. I curl up into the fetal position so that I can hug you closer to my chest and we remain this way as the sun continues to stream into the room. My shoulders begin to feel the warmth of the morning sun and I feel warm and fuzzy all over. I lazily lay there basking in the warmth of the morning suns warming rays as you continue to kick and twirl inside my belly. I lovingly rub you and sing to you my favorite song, the chorus of, "You are my sunshine." My auntie Vicky taught me this song as we would travel great distances while I was a girl living in New Zealand. This is your oldest brothers favorite song and I have lovingly called him my sunshine since he was a fetus much like you. Just in case you are concerned--He is completely aware that he will be sharing the title of his mothers sunshine with you. Its actually a play on words because I affectionately call you both my, "Ray of Sonshines." Your fast movement begins to slow and you are lulled into stillness. I believe you have worn yourself out with all of your frantic kicking and movement and you are now quietly settling down into a deep sleep. I lay back on my pillows and I lovingly rub your daddy's back as I have this moment of stillness to myself. I contemplate and whisper a prayer of thanksgiving for the love that surrounds me much like the warmth of the morning sunlight that is streaming through my open bedroom window. My life is good and I am grateful for the people in my life that bring me joy and love. My heart swells with warmth as my shoulders lightly bask in the glow of the morning sun. I breathe a sigh of contentment as I am lulled into sleep by the warmth and love that surrounds me. The last thought in my mind before the darkness of sleep overtakes me is, " I am truly blessed with the ray's sonshine that surrounds me!"

Liam Spills The Beans

Getting An Education

Liam started Kindergarten three weeks ago, and yet I am just now finding the time to blog about it. Liam has been attending preschool/daycare for two years now and so he is kind of an old pro at being away from mom and dad for extended periods of time. However, he was especially excited that he was going to be going to the "Big Kids School." He eagerly picked out his school clothes and laid them out with his beloved back pack. He woke up early and was ready and out the door on time for the entire first week. However, with the reality sinking in that this is how life is going to be for the next thirteen years at least, he has lost a little of his enthusiasm. He has been late several days this week and his enthusiasm is waning. Despite all of that he still claims to LOVE school. He says his favorite part is snack time, recess, and having a new friend.I am also grateful that he LOVES his Kindergarten teacher. Each day he has glowing things to tell us about his day. He is very good at getting his homework done each night and laying his clothes out in preparation for the morning. He is acting more mature and I am astounded that my baby really is old enough to be in school. He has the funniest stories to tell and I love to see how his mind is working and processing all that he is being taught. I am also grateful that he is in close proximity to me. Next year, I will be able to sneak over and have lunch with him. He is also close enough so that I can volunteer in his classroom in between my college classes. I actually drop him off to his school on the way to my school. We both have our backpacks and our bikes as we roll into school for the day. Classes started for me two weeks ago.
I am being brave and taking more credits than I have dared in the past. I am managing everything really well and actually enjoying my classes and the busyness of it all. At the end of summer, I realized that I was really sad that I wouldn't be taking another Math class. So I re-evaluated and decided that I could actually take a few more. I am LOVING my Math 1050 class and enjoying it so much! I would never have guessed that I would prefer a Math class over an English class! I am still waiting for the reports telling the world that pigs can now fly and that Hades has frozen over. Its a strange phenomenon to find love in something you once detested. But life is about gaining new experiences and growing up a little. I can hardly believe that at the end of this semester, I will be a few credits shy of being a Junior. I can scarcely believe how fast time is going, it feels like just yesterday that I was Freshman. I love being in school and that I have the amazing opportunity to be a college student. I also love that my little man is loving him some education as well.

Five Years Ago...

At this exact moment five years ago, I was about five hours away from bringing this amazing little person into the world. After 12 hours of hard labor, this beautiful child was born at exactly midnight on June 2, 2005.

My heart is overflowing with joy and happiness as I contemplate all that has transpired over the last five years. I feel honored and blessed to have you as my child and I thank Heavenly Father each and every day for answering my prayers--by sending you to me. Liam, you are the greatest fulfillment of everything I could have ever wished or dream of having in a child. I love you and hope that your fifth year is a special one filled with memories, growth, friendships, learning, and health. I love you bigger than the whole wide universe and I thank my lucky stars for you each and everyday.

Happy Fifth Birthday Liam!!

Healing

Liam has received a clean bill of health from his Orthopedic Surgeon who says that Liam's arm is looking great. Liam is running and playing much lighter without his cast and he swears he will never get onto the elliptical again...well alone that is. "Mommy, please help me do my exercises on the elliptical," has become a common phrase in our household. I am bidding my time until the newness of the elliptical wears off and he either gives up on it or falls and breaks his leg instead.

Lessons Learned From A Photos Shoot With The Little Mr.

Catching a photo of Liam where he is actually smiling for the camera is near impossible. However, in order to satisfy my need to feel like a "good mom" I still make every attempt to capture him on film. I have tried several approaches:

1. Bribery
2. Threats
3. Begging
4. Pleading
5. Tears

Sadly the only result of these approaches has been a mad mommy and an even madder little boy. What I have learned over the years, with my reluctant poser, is that I have to catch him doing what he does best versus trying to corral him into a pose or situation that I would prefer. I have learned this the hard and expensive way and I have the less than stellar professional studio photos to prove it.

Recently Liam received a brightly colored Easter Bunny cookie. His responses were so funny that I took the photographic opportunity to capture him at his finest.While Liam was preoccupied with the brightly colored sugary goodness, he really let loose and showed his hilariously expressive side. I LOVE the expressions that I was able to capture. I have over 50 frames of my little dudes expressive face as he shows how he really feels about this cookie. As I sigh with laughter bordering on acceptance, I have sadly resigned myself to the fact that I may never have a beautifully posed studio picture of my little Mr. However, I am comforted in knowing that sometime the stars align and I am able to capture photos that show his truest self that make him who he uniquely is and I guess that is worth more than all the perfectly posed professional photos in the world.

Broken

Warning: This post contains photos that may make your stomach queasy, please proceed with caution.

Two weeks ago, as Liam was stepping off of our new elliptical machine he fell and did this to his arm:

This is what it looked like from the inside before the arm was set:

Liam initially was in shock and was worried that he was going to be in HUGE trouble with his mommy. He was also worried that his arm would never work again and that the doctor would be mad at him. Once we told him it was an accident and that he wasn't in trouble he calmed down. It was obvious that his arm was broken and so we immediately rushed him to the hospital. He was very calm and listened to the nurses, doctors, and radiologists as they worked hard to fix his arm.

The hardest part was that Liam had just eaten a HUGE meal before he fell and the Doctors were concerned that if they put him down completely that he would asphyxiate on his potential vomit. They waited for two hours for his food to digest and gave him a mild sedative. Sadly he screamed and flayed as two doctors and an assistant and two nurses worked hard to set his arm. Bill and I were in the room trying to hold his legs down and comfort him. He couldn't see me and he kept howling for his mommy. It was SOOOOO hard I kept calling his name and rubbing his legs to try and comfort him. I would never wish for any parent to have to watch their child endure such pain, I wished I could have gone through it for him. However, when it was all over and he could see my face he instantly stopped crying and he thanked the medical staff for fixing his arm. He has been running and playing like nothing happened.

He has been a real trooper! He has been wearing a splint as the Orthopedic surgeon has been monitoring his arm and the swelling. I am relieved that tomorrow morning we will be able to have his arm put into a cast. It has been hard reminding a nearly five year old that he isn't indestructible and that his arm is still broken. He has hardly let his arm slow him down and I will be relieved when it is protected by the hard cast. I never ever want to endure hearing him have his arm set ever again! Yikes!!

He's A Real Momma's Boy

I found this old picture of Liam and wanted to compare it to one of my own at the same age, we have identical profiles and a lot of the same features. As one of my friends said it perfectly, "Liam is you only in negative." Meaning that he has my features but his daddy's coloring. I love this little boy so much and I feel like the luckiest momma in the world to have him as my son.

Flash Back

I was looking through old photos today and I had to share this one of Liam that was taken almost four years ago. I can hardly believe how much this little guy has grown up and how he makes my heart feel all soft and mushy.

It's Snow Fun

Liam bundled up and ready for a fun afternoon playing in the snow.

Liam has been anticipating this day for some time now and was beaming from ear to ear with joy at the prospects of making a snow man, a snow angel, and a snow fort.

Liam trying to make a snow angel but the snow was hardly packed and iced over, he had fun all the same.

Liam and Daddy having a great time!

Liam using his backhoe to build something in the snow.

My Son the Future Spelling Bee Champ

Liam has learned all the letters and sounds in the alphabet and is now learning to sound out words. I am so proud of him and excited for this new milestone. However I am going to have to adjust some of my parenting tactics to accommodate this new found skill. I spend most of my conversation around Liam spelling words out to Bill so that Liam has no idea what we are talking about. Here is an example:

Me: Honey guess what is on sale, T-R-A-N-S-F-O-R-M-E-R-S at Smiths Marketplace we will have to see if S-A-N-T-A will be bringing one for Liam this year.

Bill: Could you spell that again I didn't catch that.

Liam: I want to go with you to the store and see SSSAAAAAANNNNNTTTTTTTAAAAAA (the sounds of Liam sounding out what I just spelled)
SANTA!! (DING DING DING the light bulb goes off in his head of what he just spelled)
Hey is Rudolph and the Reindeer there? I want to go I want to go, is Santa there I want to see Santa!!! (Fit is then thrown and child spends time cooling down in his room or in time out.)

Having your child learn new and amazing things can be great but I will definitely need to rethink how I communicate and parent my child in the future.

But then again if I keep spelling words out for him to sound out who knows perhaps he could go on to win big trophies and big bucks at spelling bees and could even pay for college this way. Perhaps I will get a great big huge dictionary and start spelling out outlandishly hard words for my son to sound out so can one day become a Spelling Bee Champion. Hey Liam try this word on for size can you sound out the word...

Update: Liams Festivities

Liam had a WONDERFUL 4th Birthday filled with Batman gifts, a Batman cupcake cake, meatballs and spagetthi and going to see the movie, "UP." According to Liam it was the, "Bestest berfday ever mommy and daddy, thanks guys!"

Oh Happy Day!

I am astounded that the past four years have flown by and that this sweet little baby...


Has grown into this amazing little boy...

The past four years have been filled with so much joy for both Bill and I as we have had the great honor of becoming parents. Liam has fulfilled and surpassed our wildest dreams and hopes. Liam we love and cherish you so much and hope that your day has been special and filled with happy memories.

Happy Fourth Birthday Liam!!!!

The Green Eyed Blond Hair Boy: A Mother's Dream Come True

As a young girl I would play dolls with my friends for hours. We would image what our future children would look like. I would always imagine having a green eyed blond hair little boy. My friends would just laugh at me and shake their heads like, "yeah right, green eyed blond hair little boy, funny."

I was about 18months in this photo, 1977

When Bill and I knew that we were going to be married we would image with one another what our children would look like. I shared with Bill my dreams of having a green eyed blond hair boy. He didn't laugh and for that reason he grew in my estimation.

First Dance Date three weeks after meeting, 1993

Nine long years and nine months later Bill and I got to meet our first born child for the first time. I was enamored with my gorgeous green eyed blond hair little bundle of joy.

Liam 2 Hours Old June 2, 2005

Since childhood I have dreamed of being a mother to my green eyed blond hair little boy. I remember the feelings of completion I felt when he was placed in my arms for the first time. I am so very grateful for the joy I have in being not only a mother but Liam's mother. He is my joy and fulfillment of the greatest dream possible. I love him so completely and unconditionally. I am grateful to a loving Heavenly Father that gifted him to Bill and myself. I love being a mother and I celebrate this day with a grateful heart. I love being your mother Liam and I love you Bill for making me a mother.

Liam 3 3/4 years old, the joy of my life