Giddy

My parent were not the photo-taking-kind-of-parents, in fact we didn't even own a camera. However I had an uncle who loved to take photos and was in possession of a professional grade camera. Thanks to him I have some amazing photos of my childhood. I still remember him arranging us Finlayson children to take our photos. He inspired me as a child to be the kind of person that captures life moments in photos. I admired him so much that as a child I would pretend to take photos of my stuffed animals and mimic all that he did in capturing a photo.

As a teenager, my older brother Rik and I shared in our love of photo taking and would spent time together taking photos of nature, our siblings, our home and one another. We would print the photos and critique what we thought worked and didn't work. My brother taught me about composition and the patience needed in taking a really great photo. I treasure the time we spent pouring over photography magazines and dreaming of the days when we could afford a really amazing camera.

When I moved to Hawaii at the age of 19 I purchased a camera that I LOVED. With this camera I took the most amazing photos. I took that camera everywhere with me, including a two week trip to the UK in 1997. Sadly I wore the camera out and I had to make do with "el cheapos" for several years.

Bill and I purchased a new camera in 2005 when we discovered that I was pregnant. I was excited to have my first digital SLR camera. I have not been a huge fan of this camera but I have used it to take some memorable photos. Sadly again I have "killed" it with my over usage.

So with great joy I have just purchased my newest camera. Sigh I think I am in love and we haven't even met yet! It is being shipped to my loving and waiting arms and should arrive by the end of the week. I almost feel love sick with all of the anticipation of receiving this new camera.

According to the research and specs, it is an amazing camera that surpasses anything I could have ever hoped or dreamed of owning. I am excited to be able to have a camera that will enable me to take the photos that I have only ever dreamed of being able to capture.

Confessions From An Emotional Eater

Most of you know that I have been working super hard all year on getting healthy and losing weight. I have been doing super awesome up to this point and have actually lost about 25 pounds so far. So hooray for me! But I have been slipping for the past two weeks and have been sneaking in things that I know aren't good for me, not going to the gym as faithfully, or just being lazy and not recording my food journal daily. I feel like if I "out" myself that I might feel embarrassed and therefore act more responsible and take more ownership for my actions and get back on track. So here I am saying, "Oops! I am slipping on my commitment to myself!! I need to realign myself with my goals and get back on task. Any suggestions out there from you amazing people would be greatly appreciated!! (PS, This isn't a plateau or anything. This is me actually being lazy and needing to re-motivate myself.) Thanks everyone in advance for any help or advice you can lend me!

Happy Mother's Day!

I hope that each of you had a great day today and that you were able to be with the women who have touched your lives. I personally had a great day filled with lots of love! My husband gave me flowers, an onion chopper, and a digital photo frame. He is so great at expressing to me his love and gratitude! Thank you so much honey! I am so grateful to be a mother, I am so blessed!

15 Years Of Blood, Sweat, And Tears!

Bill and I met one another on May 4, 1993. Today we celebrated 15 years of being together! I love him so much and am so grateful for the love we share with each other. We have had tons of ups and tons of downs but I wouldn't want anyone else to be riding life's rapids with then my faithful and loyal companion. I love you so much honey! Here is a photo montage of the last 15 years.
Just in case you can't read the tiny writing here's a description of each picture.

1. This is us on our first official date. It was to a girl's choice dance less then 2 weeks after meeting each other. Bill had already proposed to me and we totally knew we were going to get married even though I was only 17 and he was 18. We knew we had 3 years of waiting ahead of us but hey, we were smitten with one another and couldn't be reasoned with!
2. I dated and waited for Bill while he was on his LDS mission to the Birmingham England Mission. While he was on his mission I decided to go to BYU-Hawaii. After he returned he was able to come out to Hawaii to be with me. We became officially engaged in Laie Hawaii in April of 1996. It was amazing to be with him and know that I really was going to be with him forever. No more long good-byes!
   
3. June 19, 1996 Bill and I became husband and wife for all of eternity in the Logan Utah Temple. It was the most amazing day! This is my most favorite picture because we weren't actually posing for this one, we were actually done with pictures. But the photographer saw this tender moment of us and captured it for us. Bill is actually saying to me, "Can you believe it, were married!" I am gazing up into his face and tears are falling from each of our eyes! We were so very happy!
4. After 9 years of infertility Bill and I were overjoyed to FINALLY add a child to our union! Liam is 1 in this picture and I love this picture! We had the camera set on a timer on a tripod and as we were getting ready to take the shot, Bill noticed something in the water and pointed it out to me and Liam. Bill and I are truly best friends and we love sharing everything with each other. I love how this special moment was captured spontaneously!
5. This is the most recently family picture of us as a family. I can't wait to see what the next 15 years hold for us. Thank you Bill for sharing your heart, mind, spirit, and life with me. I love you and thank you for stubbornly holding onto me even when I get scared and want to run away! Thank you for NEVER giving up on me even when I have given up on myself. I love you, thank you for your love and support!! I love you so much, thank you!
   

Moana And The Tearful Good-bye

I have been a size 18/20 since about 1996, so for about 12 years I have been the same size and have amassed a huge collection of plus size clothing over the last decade. I tried to tell myself that I was "Big and Beautiful" and darn proud of it too and that I really didn't think that I had a problem. Yet when I had major complications with getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and being seriously ill my entire pregnancy and then taking 8 months to recover from the complications post-pregnancy I started to feel deep down inside of me that I did really have a problem. Then my world of fantasies came crashing down as I had a physical at the end of December last year and saw for myself from the results of my blood work that I was already walking down the dangerous path of having heart disease and type 2 diabetes in my not so distant future. It made me sick and scared to realize that I wasn't really taking care of my son because I wasn't taking care of his primary care giver. I was putting my life in jeopardy! It was time to do something about it and so since January I have been working really hard at taking control of my emotional eating and learning how to exercise each and every day. Well I have finally lost my first 20 pounds!!! So I have had to purge my hordes of plus size clothes and clean out my closet and all my hiddy holes of my gorgeous clothes. I thought that it would feel so good to finally be rid of my plus sized clothes but I was so wrong!! I felt like the song, "Taps" was playing in the background as I tried on each and every article of clothing that I own and analyzed whether or not it fit. I lamented as I parted company with the gorgeous pea-coat my mother-in-law lovingly gave me, I shed copious amounts of tears as I realized that the outfit I wore in our first family picture after Liam was born swamped me, I was disappointed that the outfit I wore to my sisters joyous wedding would never be worn to another momentous family gathering. I really felt like I was parting company with the greatest friends I had ever known. I seriously had to take a break and contemplate whether or not I should really get rid of my clothes. But I wasn't going to hold onto the past, I am making changes for the better and to hold onto the clothes was like telling myself that I would again return to the place I have worked so hard to leave. So as I contemplated what should be done, I had a great idea come to me. Bill and I volunteer at a women's shelter here in town that shelters women and children fleeing from domestic violence often times with only the clothing on their backs and nothing else. It dawned on me that I could donate my beloved clothes to this shelter where women needing clothing in good condition that were stylish and had lots of good wear in them could be used. It would enable them to feel beautiful, loved and able to return to work. This comforted me and helped me to be brave and bid a fond adieu to my beloved friends.
As I stood there for hours and hours cleaning and purging I also came to this important realization. The clothes that I once fit perfectly were now to big but the strange thing about this was that though the clothes were several sizes to big it was I who had actually out grown them. I have grown inside and I have finally made the important realization that "I am worth it!"
I am worth being happy, I am worth being healthy, I am worth the time and money investment it takes to work out and to pay someone to help me lose the weight. I am worth being as gorgeous on the outside as I feel I am on the inside, I am worth feeling beautiful, I am worth feeling feminine, I am worth feeling comfortable in my own skin. My feelings are worth being look at and expressed and not suppressed with food. I am worth it, I AM WORTH IT!!! So as I look at the next picture of my more then half empty closet, I say to myself that this is only the beginning and that the next 55-60 pounds will soon be history because I now know what the secret is, its knowing for myself that "I am worth it!!"

I have also learned that I am not a fat person this is not who I truly am. As I am shedding the weight I feel like I am truly finding the real me. I have only been hiding behind the fat out of fear of getting hurt, of being abandoned, and of being rejected. I have opened my eyes and seen that these are only my fears and that there is nothing to support them. I am freeing myself of the pain and fear that has held me captive for so many years. For me, the weight has only been a symptom of the problem, not the actual problem itself. I am working hard at allowing the real me to emerge from behind all of the fat. I am giving myself permission to be who I truly feel that I am. It has been and continues to be a long and arduous journey but I know that I am up to the task because I have great support in my husband, family and friends (that includes you reader who has stuck with me and read this very long post, thanks!!)

Hordes and hordes of gorgeous clothes. Friends to me really but I will send them out to make someone else feel happy as they have done this for me.

Me wearing size 14 pair of jeans wow!!! I am so excited its been over a decade since I have since those digits! But I have decide that I wont be bonding with this size since I still have a long journey ahead of me!

I know the secret to losing the weight, it is the knowledge that each of us are worth it! (Hooray one less chin!!!;)

I Am Proud To Be A Loser!

It's Easter Sunday and all and I will post pics of our cute little boy and his Easter loot from Saturday, (we don't give him Easter stuff on Sunday just Saturday or Monday) but I wanted to share with all my avid supporters out there my good news! Since joining Weight Watchers 3 weeks ago, I have now lost 5.8 pounds!!! That makes my total weight loss since January, 10 pounds. I have been working so hard for this, it makes me wonder what its going to take to lose all of the weight! But since joining Weight Watchers it has been easier and I feel like I have a hard set plan that I can stick to and a great support system in friends and such at my weekly meetings. I am losing on average 2 pounds a week with the Weight Watchers program, better then my previous 1/2-1 pound by myself. My workouts are also getting easier as I transition into the intermediate program with the fitness routine I am using. I am so happy to be a loser right now and just wanted to share the great news of finally being a "biggish" loser!

A Moment To Toot My Own Horn!

OK so this lady is me in my dreams but I am really proud of myself right now and I just wanted to toot my own horn. I have worked out every single day in January save sundays and so I am giving myself a huge shout out since it was really hard and I went kicking and screaming to the Field House to work out almost every single time but I did it!! I don't normally share with others my health goals since its really embarrasing when they look at you and ask you when your due (yip that has happened and nope there is no baby on the way) or when they watch you stuffing your face with doughnuts. But hooray for me, I did it! I have lost inches and a few pounds and I am trying to tell myself that I am converting fat to muscle and that its more important to lose inches but I am getting discouraged and yet I am pushing onward down this path! Now lets see how February bodes for me! So far so good since I am seating here in my sweaty and smelly clothes. Its off to the shower I go!

Oh yes, before I part, how are you all doing with your New Years Resolutions? Have you achieved something this past month for which you are proud of? Tell me all about, I would love to hear you tooting your horns as well!

Guess I'm It, Since I've Been Tagged!

My friend Jana has tagged me and so now I must reveal 6 habits of mine that you probably didn't know about me.  Admittedly it has taken some time for me to figure out which 6 to share since I seem to have a lot of habits and so I actually did 8!

1. I really hate having a shower first thing in the morning since I will be cleaning my house which usually means either cleaning the bathroom, mopping the floor, or doing dishes. I feel really dirty after doing these chores and feel as if I need a shower to cleanse myself from the grease, germs, whatever sick thing you can imagine!  So I first clean my whole house in my pjs, put them into the washer and then shower.  I promise I'm not a germaphobe, or that my house has the germs of a landfill. I just hate feeling gross and greasy! Not to mention sweaty after scrubbing and cleaning! So I like to feel clean and know my clothes don't have sick germs on them that could be transfered to anyone.
2. I always straighten my house up and put any dirty dishes into the dish washer before I go to bed, or before I ever leave my house.  This drives my husband crazy!  But I hate waking up or coming home to a messy house.
3. Like Jana, I cant cook in a dirty kitchen. Especially if I am working with eggs or meat.  I worry that the chicken goo or eggs might drip onto a dish and make us all sick!  I bleach the kitchen like a mad woman and use only bleach and paper towels. Before and after handling said ingredients. I bleach the knife and anything else that touched the meat and I only use a certain cutting board for the meat and I bleach it when I am done.
4.  I always have to fold my laundry right as it gets out of the dryer or else I know I won't fold it and it will sit in a huge pile in my bedroom for days and days!!
5. I lay out my clothes and anything I need for the next day the night before.  For example saturday night I lay out my  sunday clothes, Liam's clothes and I pack the diaper bag and have our church bag stocked and ready to go. I also post notes to myself reminding myself of anything I need to remember to do or take with me.
6. I have a horrible memory and so I carry a small note book with me every where I go well conceal in my pocket. I often have to consult my notebook to remember appointments, peoples names, things like that. I even have a notebook for my journal type stuff, one for church stuff, and one for home stuff like bills and grocery lists.  If I am without my notebook, I really am lost!
7. I have a habit of losing my glasses!  Its true no matter how many times I assign a special place each night for my glasses to go into, I still lose them atleast 3 times a week.  My husband has actually had to come home from school to help me find them since I cant really see that well without them in order to even see where they have been put!!  Liam has learned how to help mommy find her glasses as well. It really is embarrasing but true!! One day he was playing a game of trying to find something and then he later came into the living room wearing a play pair of sun glasses. He then said, "Boy find Mommy glasses"
8. Some days lets face it the beds don't get made. But I am the type of person no matter how tired I am, I will make my bed first and then climb into it. My husband thinks I am weird but I hate the feeling of crumbled sheets and when the blankets arent on the bed right.

Well there you have it, I am a clean freak that organizes like crazy, I am toting the bleach around in my pjs and I am desperately looking for my glasses.  Yip, that sounds about right. This is the woman that my husband loves and is so proud to be married to!! Hope you got your laughs.  I now tag, each and every single one of you who is brave enough reading this to expose herself and show the world her quirks!! I will be checking your blogs to see if you were brave enough to do it! (Namely my cousins Xela, Mandy, Sami, and friends April, Havilah, and Rachel Gunnel.)

Feeling The Love

I have been babywearing Liam since he was about 6 weeks old. He was a small 8 lbs and only 20 inches at that age. He was so small I felt like he was lost in the fabric of our then New Native Sling. But now at 2 1/2 and weighing in at 30 lbs and more then 30 inches tall, it takes every inch of our storchenwiege wrap to hold him. He really is quite old to be worn on the front and yet we both love it so much. His head is in perfect range for me to kiss on him, talk to him face to face, I am also able to have eye contact with him and my favorite part is that I am able to feel him cuddle down into my chest as he falls to sleep and I love to sniff his hair as I am going about my daily tasks. I really love to have him on my back when I am cleanining, shopping, or in a huge hurry and need to get him where I need to go faster. But there is a wonderful and nurturing power in wearing him on my front. I know that he wont be able to ride on the front for more then probably 6 months but I am still enjoying him there on my front so much. It will be a sad day for both of us when he can only fit on my back!

Thank Heavens For Antibiotics

I am feeling especially grateful for antibiotics right now since I have had a really bad sinus infection that has lasted for the past 3 1/2 weeks! Aggh! Yip it really was a bad one but thanks to the meds I am feeling much better now!! Now if only I could just get my Christmas Decorations up and my Christmas letters written and sent!

Sick!

I am really sick right not with the flu and a sinus infection. I am feeling sorry for myself since I am not feeling so hot. I am hoping that I will be feeling better by tomorrow so that I can resume my life since Bill goes back to the Real World tomorrow with work and school. I am however very grateful for a loving and patient husband that is willing to cover for me while I am down. I have also discovered something quite amazing. Puffs makes tissues with Vicks Vapor Rub in the tissue as well as lotion. Its like heaven for your runny/stuffy nose! So if your feeling poorly I would suggest getting these tissues.